It’s been a whirlwind of a past few weeks. Since the end of January we lost our cat, vacationed in Mexico and adopted two kittens. All the things we did were done for the right reason. Lucy had lived a full life, our trip to Mexico was a much needed break, and the kittens were one hundred percent meant to be in our family.
Despite the two amazing things that have happened I haven’t felt quite right. I feel like I have no motivation. I want to eat only ice cream and Voodoo potato chips washed down by gallons of PG Tips tea. I want to cuddle with the kittens (who much rather cuddling with my husband) and window shop online. I know all the things I need to do. I have my accountability buddy, Kandace, to keep my planner up to date with all my to do lists and schedules but what I can’t seem to do is follow through.
This week I decided it must be that I need to meditate. I felt physically anxious. Not worried about anything, just a lot of tension. I downloaded Headspace on my phone and, while it feels good to take time for myself each day, it wasn’t fixing me. I realize that it’s not a quick fix and I will continue to practice but I needed to figure out WHY I was feeling anxious and get to the root of it.
It hit me. I had so many wonderful years with Lucy and it was her time. It really was. But I never really had time to grieve. We were in Mexico so I wasn’t home to realize how my routine was changing. No nighttime cuddles, no sassy meowing to get my attention, no more belly rubs. She was a constant to my bedtime routine and it feels a bit lonely without it.
This is not to say that our other animals are not just as loved. Just as any other living being one cannot take the place of another. Our other animals, all four, are incredible members of our family and I know that, in time, I’ll feel back to normal. But for you people who know me in real life if I’ve been off that’s why.
I admit, I can see how strange it may sound to be grieving over a cat. After all so many people lose so many things and maybe it sounds trivial. We all have different kinds of relationships with the beings in our lives and any loss that affects our daily life is a loss. She was a member of our family that I interacted with daily. Granted one who pooped in a box in the house and liked to drool on my face while purring in the middle of the night but we all have our quirks.
At least I figured out what has been bothering me. Maybe I’ll celebrate with ice cream, voodoo chips, and a gallon of tea while cuddling with my animals and stalking social media. Or maybe I’ll tackle the laundry, only time will tell.