F*#king Done

It’s happened. I’ve hit the wall.

I’ve been holding up these past million months trying to enjoy the little things, rearranging furniture, and trying to work out regularly. I’ve had zoom dates and tv marathons. I’ve tried to cook more and keep up with the laundry (often failing). I’ve been enthusiastic about seeing the kids learn and hoping to make the most out of this insane experience.

Beauty has emerged from this time. I’ve gotten to connect with my immediate family in ways I wouldn’t in regular times. My kids’ sibling relationship has flourished. One of my cats, who only seems to like my kids, has come to cuddle with me.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know the vaccine is finally here and that will, eventually, lead to the ability to see and hug my extended family again. My kids will see their friends. I can aimlessly wander the aisles of stores finding useless crap I didn’t know I wanted.

But right now I’m just done. I want to sit on my couch, eat popcorn, and watch tv in a house cleaned by not me. I’m bored. I’m cranky. I want exhilaration again. I want to get a tattoo or go sky diving or do something risky like hug a non household member.

This feeling, too, shall end and I’m lucky that this is my only problem right now. So, while it’s not huge problem in the scheme of things, I’m here to tell you that I’m cranky and tired of this. Probably just like everyone else.

Hanging with my comfort items, my teddy bear and blanket. Sometimes it’s just what you need.


One thought on “F*#king Done

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